Thursday, March 15, 2012

I was Tortured by a Bass Fisherman!

And it was horrible! (not really) This past Sunday I hopped on a bass boat at Claytor Lake with bass fisherman and fellow blogger Jody White. I had hoped for a peaceful day on the water , tossing plugs to pre-spawn bass , but my friend had far more nefarious intentions....

First a little backstory. I am not a "Bass Fisherman". I've caught a lot of bass , but not for the past 10 years or so. I'm more of an opportunist , so I was happy to tag along with Jody. He has a bass boat. Two things about that are important. One: bass boats are like rockets on the water , much faster than my little fish and ski that I use for Striper fishing. Two: bass boats don't have much of a windshield , unlike my little fish and ski , which by comparison has acres of wind shielding glass. Oh yeah , did I mention that it was cold that morning and all I had with me was a hat?

As Jody's boat planed out and we headed down the lake at an increasingly alarming speed , I soon realized why he looked so smug when he put on a ski mask and three thick wool toboggans with battery powered electric heaters. About a minute into the ride my eyelids started to flap in the wind and tears streamed out of my eyes , only to freeze and pelt my equally flapping ears with newly formed ice. My hat was clutched desperately in my hand as I tried to crouch behind a 2 inch windshield in a failed attempt to stay warm.

At this point , the trolling motor on the front of the boat began to make a contrail in the chill morning air as we tore across the water and approached the speed of sound. Little pieces of ice began to pelt my recently trimmed dome , feeling like a thousand needles buried in my scalp. As my core temperature approached absolute zero , my skin began to turn blue and my ears popped - not from any change in elevation , but because we had broken the sound barrier. A poor little duck got sucked into our turbulence and I can only imagine the results were similar to what happens when one of his feathered cousins meets an untimely end in a jet engine.

Are you a Cenobite? No , I've just been bass fishing. Why do you ask?
Relief soon came when Jody stopped the boat , but I made the unfortunate mistake of saying something smart-assed like " Hey that ride up the lake warmed me right up". I think that's when he began to formulate part two of his plan for my ultimate demise.

We started working around a few docks with lures and it wasn't long before I fell for the diabolical madman's trap. I had managed to snag a 15 cent crappie jig on a rather shoddy looking dock and was getting ready to break it off when the criminal mastermind chimed in with " Here , just step off and get it. I need to re rig and then I'll come back and get you."

Looks safe to me.
In my tortured and half frozen mind , it seemed like a good idea so I hopped off the boat onto a fairly stable floating dock. The true test was my short trip out onto the narrow gangway that would normally be used to board a vessel. Whether through poor craftsmanship or the ravages of time , the narrow set of planks almost sent me to a watery grave. In a test of my balancing skills and sureness of foot , I shuffled to the end , turned and made it safely back in what can only be described as something akin to log rolling. Each precarious step had to be countered with another in a timely fashion or the consequences would have been soggy. Lesser men would have went swimming , but not I.

When Jody returned with the boat to pick me up , I swear I heard him mutter " Curse you Something's Fishy , you won't spoil my plans next time." , but I can't be sure....

All kidding aside , it was a great day on the water with an excellent fisherman. It's always a ton of fun to hang out with Jody and talk fishing. Very few of my regular fishing partners are as knowledgeable as Jody and it's a refreshing change of pace.

I highly recommend you check out Jody's blog HERE for all the latest news and info from the bass fishing world.

Have a great weekend!


  1. After a journey like that one time my smart-ass like remark was "you know, we could have caught a lot of fish if we had fished up to this spot."

    Never did get invited back.

  2. Thanks for the chuckle, I needed that.


Let's hear what YOU have to say...